Monday, April 11, 2011

I am a Techno-tard

They say that in order to address a problem that you must admit that you have it.  Well, when it comes to the lack of computer knowledge, I have it in spades! ! !   I always said that I was deficient in computerese - or I was technically challenged - or one of those all encompassing phrases that covered my problem....but the other day, I was on the forums on Artfire and someone called herself a "techno-tard" and I fell in love with the term.  Not only does it describe accurately the malady that I suffer from, but it is euphonius to boot. So the world should take notice - I am officially announcing that "I AM A TECHNO-TARD" .  I guess what follows is a day in the life of a techno-tard - or better yet, further adventures of a techno-tard.

Artfire is running a "social media boot camp" right now and I signed up because it seemed to me that I can use all the help I can get.  Our first thing to do was to get a facebook account up and running, with both a personal page and a business page.  And much to my amazement, I was ahead of the curve, I had both. Then they wanted us to shorten the URL on our business page after we got 25 fans, which I I followed the directions and this is the message that I got from facebook -

"To access this page, you'll need to switch from using Facebook as your page to using Facebook as yourself."

I hope this makes as little sense to you, the reader, as it did to me.  One simple sentence and I was totally lost. How could anyone understand what they meant?  I mean, I may be a techno-tard, but I am not stupid, at least I wasn't the last time that I checked.  So my URL is still an ugly long series of letters and numbers, unlike all the other campers, and even with personal help from several kind souls, I have not conquered the URL shortening.  It's depressing - I may have to go back to my cabin and hide under my cot or inside my trunk.

As a techno-tard, I have several pet peeves concerning computer use.  Why do they have to ask me if I'm "Sure that I want to proceed" or "Sure that I want to delete this" or "Sure that this is what I want to do" - idiots!!! Of course I am not sure - I don't know what I am doing - so they ask this unsure individual and I have to say "NO" - and consequently, nothing gets done.  Why couldn't they give mutiple choices, like if you proceed this will specific thing will happen, or do this and something else will happen?  I'm afraid if I go past these warnings that my computer will crash and I will be lost forever without any access to technology.

Another thing that really annoys me, and it took me forever to get past it, is that dam pop up window that comes up when you visit a web site and it says something about do you want to only see the material that was delivered safely or do you want to see everything and risk infecting and maybe, killing your machine.  Do you remember the scene in the movie Speed  where Kenau Reeves is telling everyone on the bus about the bomb that is on the bus that's gonnal blow if they slow down or anyone gets off the bus - and Sandra Bullock stands up and forcefully says "STOP, you are scaring all these people" ?  Well, I feel like those people whenever I see that dam blue pop up. I just wish that they would leave me in blissful ignorance once in while.
I don't know if there's a 10 step program for techno-tards or if it's a permanent condition.  I know that I have come a long way in my computer knowledge, but I also know that I have a hell of allot further to go than I have come. I think I am going to quit camp - I really was feeling pretty good about my expanding skills, and then one stupid sentence sends me for a loop and qualifies me as a failure at the easiest task that probably will be assigned.  The only thing is - they are going to be discussing Twitter - and that means, maybe, I could send tweats...don't know how much business it could generate, but it just sounds like fun..."don't bother me, I'm tweating"  Of course, with a line like that, my husband might have me committed with a bird fixation...I'll have to think on that one!!!